I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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