can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
