im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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