I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
