Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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