People with herpes should wear stickers.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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