My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
