My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
