the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
