trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
