I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
