I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
