Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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