how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize