I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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