You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
