I'm eating all of the evidence.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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