I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
