Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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