If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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