i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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