Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
