i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
