I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
