She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
