Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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