I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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