We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
