Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
