She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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