I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize