check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
