u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
