I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
