You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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