Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
