Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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