i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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