I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
