Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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