I think I am morally bankrupt
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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