Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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