I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
