peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
