My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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