Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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