you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
