My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
