Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
