so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
