YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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