Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
