One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
