Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
