He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize
