Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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