I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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