Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
