apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
