She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
