I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
