I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
