Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
