Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
