I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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